Beast Of Burden
by MistyxKisame
Summary: Gai decides after years of girls leaving him to pursue Kakashi, he's sick of it. He comes to the conclusion that the only resolution is to make sure Kakashi is unable to ever "steal" another woman away from him ever again. Things go worse than Gai plans and now he's on the run with a criminal ninja which only makes things worse.
1. Chapter 1

Out of character Gai

* * *

Might Gai was sitting at the local pub in a private booth drowning his sorrows in various drinks. The normally cheerful and energetic man was depressed because of a problem that had been going on for far too long. The fact that his good friend and rival, Hatake Kakashi, was constantly taking his girlfriends. Well he couldn't really blame Kakashi completely to be honest. He couldn't help that every time he introduced his girlfriends to Kakashi, not too long after they broke up with him. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And then pursue him. Whether or not he actually dated any of them remained to be seen.

One would think he would start avoiding the man, but he couldn't. Not because he hadn't tried. Kami-sama knows he did. It was because everywhere he went, it always seemed Kakashi was either right there or following him. He tried avoiding his line of site, but he always saw him. He thought about giving up on dating all together, but he refused to do so. He had always wanted to find the right girl, settle down, and have children to pass on the message of youth to pass on for generations to come. He couldn't accomplish his goal with Kakashi stealing away his girlfriends. At this rate, he'd be childless and lonely for the rest of his life!

How could he solve this problem without having to leave his precious students behind? He didn't want to burden anyone with this problems, so he had to figure this out on his own. Why did he have to be so good looking?! There was only one way to deal with him. He had to make it so that Kakashi would never be able to take away another woman from him. After paying for his drinks, he called up Kakashi.

"Hello?" answered Kakashi.

"It's me, Gai." said Gai calmly.

"Oh hey, Gai!" he said cheerfully. He wasn't going to happy for long. "What's up?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go spar with me."

"Gai, are you drunk or something?" he said amused. "It's 12 at night."

"No, I meant tomorrow!"

"Oh! Well sure! I'll meet you there around 2 pm. That alright with you?"

"Sure." he said smirking. They talked for a little while with Kakashi doing more talking than Gai, who was thinking up his plot revenge. Once he hung up, he went to go sleep so he could wake up early to get ready.

* * *

"Damn it, Tobi!" snapped Deidara threw the frying pan he had brought along at the lollipop masked man.

He was furious because he had accidentally dropped the map into the river and now they had to somehow get another one. Deidara had wanted to get the mission out of the way so he didn't have to spend time with the new member of the Akatsuki, but no! He just had to lose the map. If they couldn't get a map, they would have to wonder around until they found the village. They were heading to the Hidden Leaf to catch the nine-tails since Itachi and Kisame had failed to capture him. The thought of Itachi failing had brought a smile to his face and he was quick to volunteer to succeed where the mighty Uchiha had failed. Now he too would probably fail because of that dipshit Tobi!

"I-it's alright, Deidara!" said Tobi dodging the frying pan. "I know where it is!"

"You sure as hell had better!" he said cracking his knuckles. "Otherwise kiss your new membership good-bye!"

He gulped. "Y-yes, Deidara-senpai!"

He sighed and retrieved the frying pan. Tobi had better not be lying to him. He'd regret it if he didn't know. He shook his head as he went back to preparing dinner for him and Tobi. The next morning, they hopped on Deidara's large clay bird and took off for Konoha. Much to both his delight and shock, Tobi did in fact know where the village was. He didn't even bother questioning it.

"Nice job, Tobi." said Deidara as he searched for an area to land. "You're not full of bullshit after all!"

"I told you!" said Tobi happy to not suffer Deidara's wrath for once. After finding an area to land, Deidara put away his clay and headed towards the village when Tobi stopped him. "Wait, Deidara-senpai!"

"What now, Tobi?"

"I have an idea! I think you should dress up like a girl and..."

"Oh hell no!" said the bomber. "Just because I have long hair doesn't mean I look like a girl or could pass as one! YOU dress like a girl!"

"I'm too ugly!"

"YOU'RE...BULLSHIT! YOU JUST WANT TO LAUGH AT ME!"

"Come on Senpai!" begged Tobi. "It's simple. Just flirt with a shinobi here and get him to show you where Naruto lives or maybe just get him to show you around the area."

"And what are **you** going to be doing?" he asked crossing his arms.

"I'll follow you around and make sure to get you outta trouble if something happens." said Tobi.

Deidara glared at him for a while before sighing. "Fine, but the moment someone tries to kiss me, you're done for!"

"Yay! Now, let's gussy you up!" said Tobi then taking out a makeup kit and a dress. Deidara jumped back in pure and utter horror.

"Y-you...you...YOU FUCKING PLANNED THIS!"

"You already agreed." he reminded him cheerfully.

"After this mission, you're done for." he growled as Tobi went to work on him.


	2. Chapter 2

Once Tobi was done, Deidara hated to admit even to himself that he looked pretty good. There was no way anyone'd turn him down. He could have easily mistook himself as a woman if he didn't know any better. The dress Tobi had picked out was a red long sleeved dress with a turtle neck so nobody would be able to see his adam's apple and it reached down to his knees. He had to wear jet black stockings due to refusing to allow Tobi to strip of his leg hair using duct tape and he wore some flat black shoes to go with them because fuck learning how to walk in heels. He did cut his hair to shoulder length himself due to not wanting to trust Tobi with both his hair and scissors.

"And you're all set!" said Tobi clapping his hands. "That was fun! Let's..."

"In your dreams!" he said angrily in a high pitched voice. It wasn't a perfect feminine voice, but it was the best he could do.

After putting in some microphones to communicate, Deidara walked into the village without any trouble, thank Kami-sama. Every now and then people would look his way with interest, but none of them approached her. He looked around, pretending to be window shopping, but he was really keeping an eye on anyone that may be able to help him. Then someone caught his eye.

"Hey, Tobi." Deidara whispered into the microphone.

"Yeah?"

"Can you see me?" The bomber looked to see if he could spot the ninja anywhere.

"I can see you. You're at the women's clothing store looking at the dresses displayed." answered Tobi correctly.

"Right. There's a guy behind me. Does he look like one of the ninja shinobi?"

"Yeah, I know him." said Tobi. "That's Might Gai. He specializes in taijutsu. He'd be a good target. Just be careful. Just because he can't use ninjutsu doesn't mean you can underestimate him."

"Right. I'm going to follow him and see where he goes." said Deidara. He managed to follow the ninja undetected and he was heading to the training fields according to Tobi. Gai stopped after a while and began stretching. Deidara took this as the perfect opportunity to get his attention.

He sat down in the nearby forest near enough where only Gai would hear him, smeared his mascara and started to fake cry. It wasn't long before he could hear Gai coming and get down beside her. "Miss, are you alright?"

"No!" he sniffed. "M-my boyfriend...! He's so cruel! I can't take it anymore! He called me a useless whore and kicked my stomach!"

"How horrible!"

"And...and...he tried to kill me because he thought I was cheating on him when I really loved him!" sobbed Deidara wipping his eyes. "The worse part is that he's the one cheating just because he thinks I am! I hate my life!"

"You poor thing!" Gai wrapped his arms around the sobbing "woman".

How could anyone treat a woman so cruelly? His plot of revenge was quickly forgotten about as he comforted her as best he could. She was such an attractive woman to boot. If she was his girlfriend, he'd treat her like a queen. He'd shower her with affection, he'd be at her beck and call, he'd love her as if it was his last day on earth, and buy her flowers everyday and only the best kind and rarest kind would do. Who was these creature who dared to lay a hand on her?

"I wish my boyfriend was as kind and sweet as you." said Deidara clutching the man closer. "I'm so sorry to trouble you."

"Don't be. I'm sorry you had to deal with the bastard who mistreated you." said Gai. "Why were you even with him anyways?"

"Uh...because I love him?" she sounded unsure.

"There are better fish in the sea." said Gai.

"Like you?" she said batting her eyes at him causing Gai to blush.

"Well...uh..." She giggled.

"You know, you're really cute when you blush." she said smiling at him. "Maybe you are right. There _**are** _ other fish in the sea and I think I just found one."

"Well I um..." he blushed even harder. She was beautiful, but could he dare take a chance on her not leaving him? Would she be different than the other women before her? As she batted her eyes, smiled at him, and played with her hair, Gai fell head over heels for her on the spot. "Maybe you'd like to...uh...catch a movie later?"

"I'd love to!" she grinned.

"G-great!" he smiled back at her blushing as he helped her up.

"Teehee!" she giggled.

She kissed Gai on the cheek after telling him she'd give him a call later after getting his phone number. When asking for hers, she confessed she didn't have one since she had gotten kicked out of her boyfriend's place and now needed to get a hotel room. She walked away with Gai staring at her flawless bottom while she walked away. After she had gone, Gai fist pumped. Hell yeah! He finally had a new girlfriend! Wait, he couldn't be too sure. She was too good to be true already. He needed to put her to the final test. Kakashi.

Meanwhile Deidara was spitting like a cat after he had gotten far away from Gai. Ugh! He wanted to barf! He had just KISSED a man. Even if it wasn't on the cheek, it was still gross! He had seen that Might Gai liked him and just went for it like girls did in the movies. Sure it worked, but he still didn't like that he had to do it. Even worse, Tobi of all people saw it most likely. Sure enough he did and proceeded to rub it in his face.

"Deidara and Gai, sittin' in a tree." sang Tobi dancing around once the blonde got in their room. "K-I-S...

"Finish that and you're dead!" growled Deidara as he kicked off his shoes.

"So you got a date."

"Yeah? So what? Its for the mission."

"Sure." Tobi shook his head. "Now you just gotta get close to him and make him give ypu the location of the nine tails."

"I wish it was that simple." he said getting out of his dress and putting on some pants. "Its probably going to take a while, but I'll do anything to complete this mission though."

"Anything?"

"Anything!"

"Anything?"

"ANYTHING!"

"Even let him make whoopie with you?" giggled Tobi.

"Anythi...oh fuck no!" said Deidara horrified. He was going to have another man's dick up his ass! "Anything" didn't extend that far. He wasn't gay! A kiss was one thing, but sex was a whole other ball park.

"What of it helps us complete the mission?" Tobi asked crossing his arms.

He hesitated. "It won't come to that." he said quietly.

"But what if it does?" He said persistent on wanting to know his answer.

"Then save me!" said Deidara.

"What if..."

"Just shut up, Tobi!"

 **MEANWHILE**

Gai was back home humming as he thought about his date tonight. She had ended up calling and they were scheduled to go at around eight that night. Before going, Gai wanted to sure he wasn't wasting his time with another girl capturing his heart and then crushing it. He knew he'd wind up seeing Kakashi on their way there. If she looked interested, he'd leave. If not, the date would continue as usual.

Later that night, Gai was about to head when he opened his door and found Kakashi of all people there. "Gai, there you are! I'd been looking all over for you. Where the helll have you been?"

"Kakashi, I'm so sorry!" lied Gai who wasn't sorry in the slightest. "I'd completely forgotten about our arrangement earlier. There was this girl..."

"Oh boy." he rolled his eyes.

"Excuse me?" he said raising his eyebrows at what he just said to him.

"Gai, when are you going to learn that the girls you're always picking up aren't worth shit?"

"You take that back!"

"They leave you within a week."

"So?"

"So? Gai, are you even listening to yourself?" he shook his head. "I just don't want you hurt."

'If only you could see how you always being around hurts my relationships.' Gai thought bitterly. "I appreciate your honesty, but this woman I'm with...well were not together quite yet but we are going on a date...she's perfect and I want to to know her better."

"I'll come with you and check her out." said Kakashi crossing his arms. "Dont want you making any mistakes."

Back at the hotel room, Deidara had gotten dressed and was waiting for Gai to show up. When he did, what he didn't expect was Kakashi to show up with him. Were they here to arrest him? Arrested while cross-dressing. How embarrasing. Gai had flowers so maybe not? Gai gave them to him which he nervously took while Kakashi looked him over.

"Thank you." he said holding them close as if they were the most precious things he had. Then the gray haired ninja LAUGHED at him.

"Kakashi!" exclaimed Gai. Why the hell was he laughing at his date?

"I'll tell you one thing! She's unlike any woman I've ever seen." he said clearly trying to hold back his laughter. He then whispered. "You might not need condoms with her."

Deidara heard and was insulted. Wait he **_was_ ** a man, but he didn't want Gai to know that! "Is this how you let your friends talk to a woman?"

"And is that how you think a woman talks?"

Deidara smacked him with the flowers. Bastard! Gai meanwhile was horrified by his friend. He was being oddly rude tonight. What the hell was up with him? At least she wouldn't want him now. Kaskashi just laughed her off, told them to have a nice date, and not to get into a swordfight.

"Your friend is rude!" pouted Deidara. 'Not to mention he nearly blew my cover.'

"Don't mind him. He's just jealous." taking her arm in his, they headed off to the movies. Meamwhile Tobi was in the bathroom laughing his ass off.


	3. Chapter 3

The movie they saw was an action flick which Deidara didn't mind seeing. It was better than seeing some sappy romance movie he knew he was going to fall asleep at. He rested his head on Gai's shoulder and placed his hand on top of his.

"I'm having a nice time," Deidara smiled at the older man.

"So am I. You look magnificent...uh..." Gai paused. Oh shit. Wait a minute. Did she ever tell him her name? What if she did? She was going to be so mad he forgot! He tried thinking of a name she may have gave him. "Um...pretty lady."

"Deidara!" It was Tobi on the mic.

"Excuse me, Gai." Deidara left the movie and went to the alley outside. "What?"

"You forgot to give the guy your name." He pointed out.

"I did? That's why he just called me pretty lady instead of a name."

"Yeah because you're a pretty ugly woman. He just left the ugly part out." Tobi snickered.

"As soon as I get back to the hotel I'm strangling you!" He thought for a minute. "What should my name be?"

"What about Jane? Get it because you're plain? Plain Ugly Jane?! Hahaha!"

"Fuck off! I'll think of something myself, you useless cunt." He went back inside and sat back next to Gai. "Sorry. I had to go uh powder my nose."

"Okay. You know I don't think we've ever told each other our names."

"Oh that's right. How foolish of us!" He giggled. "My name is Deidara..."

'Shit I gave him my real name!' He mentally slapped his forehead. He hoped Gai wouldn't say anything about it. Luckily he didn't seem to mind.

"My name is Gai."

"Nice name." Deidara wondered what he should say next. Gai seemed to notice the awkward silence and started to fill it.

"So where do you want to go out to eat?"

"Uh you pick." Deidara didn't know any places in the area and so decided to let Gai do it. Well as long as they went to one where there wasn't a lot of people there. Otherwise someone might recognize her and ruin their plan. After the movie, they headed to a BBQ place to a private booth. Once the food was ordered, Gai tried getting to know the woman better. The younger man had to lie like a dog and hoped Tobi was keeping up with them just in case he somehow forgot.

"So how many years have you been playing tennis?"

"About 3 days," lied Deidara while he pouted. "I'm not very good at it. Maybe you could help me with my backstroke sometime." Here he winked at Gai and let out a tiny giggle. Tobi burst out laughing.

"Seriously is that the best you can do? How lame!" The masked man laughed.

He nearly yelled back into the microphone, but he remembered where he was and said nothing. Gai excitedly told him that although he hasn't played before, he would love to try and the two of them could become exercising masters together! Deidara happily admitted it was a good idea although he had no intentions of doing so. Tennis was always a boring thing to him and thankfully he wasn't planning on sticking around to become "Masters of Tennis" or whatever. Dinner went over smoothly and then Gai took the woman home. Once she was back to her room, when she went forward to kiss his **_cheek_** , he kissed her **_lips_**. Deidara was glad it hadn't been a full on "tongue-in-mouth" kiss!

"I hope to see you another time, Deidara-san," blushed Gai.

"I-I'll see you later. Good night." Deidara went inside a little too quickly. He hoped he hadn't done anything wrong. She seemed to like him on the date. Maybe he shouldn't have kissed her or maybe the kiss had been too passionate for her. He had been told he was a pretty damn good kisser before. Hopefully she'd call.

Meanwhile Deidara had run for the bathroom and began to madly wash his face. He just kissed him on the fucking lips! Gross! Tobi wasn't making it any easier as he laughed at the younger man's reaction. Right after he got through wash his face, he punched Tobi in the stomach. He fell over on his back after having the wind knocked out of him and got kicked in the ribs by the man. He then grabbed him around his neck and began choking him.

"I told you I was gonna come back and strangle you!" He yelled. "Call me ugly again and you're getting an explosion up your ass!"

"Please don't rape me, Deidara-senpai!"

"Wait?" He then threw down his partner once he realized what he was implying. "Oh hell no!"

"Dang you're really strong," Tobi gasped as he massaged his neck.

"Just remember that, Tobi." He sighed as he flopped on his bed and began dialing Gai's number.

"Who ya callin'?"

"Quiet. I'm calling Gai back."

"Ooooh! Tonight was just that spicy?" Tobi giggled again. The bastard was enjoying this a little too much. Please just let this mission be over with soon. While waiting for Gai to pick up, he just thought of something. If Tobi told everyone about this, he wouldn't be able to live this down.

"Tobi, do you mind?"

"Mind what?"

"Leaving."

"Ooooh. Senpai's going to talk dirty to his new boyfriend." Deidara threw a lamp at him. "Okay! I'm leaving! Geez!"

Once he left, Gai answered. Deidara cleared his throat and began to flirt with Gai some more on the phone. It included a lot of mushy talk that the blonde man was glad Tobi wasn't around for. Gai talked about his training, talked a bit about his (obviously favorite) student Rock Lee and a bit about the others, he talked about some of the places he wanted to take Deidara on their next date, and movies they could catch. Deidara just sat there and giggled and agreed, only sometimes disagreeing to go to any places that might blow his cover like going to a place where some ninjas might see them.

"Where ever you wanna go baby," purred Deidara. "Just make sure..."

"...you suck my tittes on the first date."

"TOBI!" Deidara punched Tobi off the bed. "KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF! DO YOU WANT HIM TO THINK I'M A WHORE!?"

"I couldn't resist!"

"Sorry about that. My little brother's just being a jerk," He said through gritted teeth as he glared at Tobi.

"Oh that's fine. So when do you wanna go out?"

"Anytime you want. I'm not doing much."

"I know the perfect place. I'll come grab you tomorrow at 3pm."

"Sounds great. Okay see ya bye!" When he hung up the phone, he jumped on Tobi and put him in a head lock. "You fucking dork! Stop with that bullshit! You're lucky he didn't care!"

"Yeah especially since he heard your deep voice." Deidara hadn't even realized his voice slipped back into his male voice. Damn that bastard! He was lucky Gai was still interested otherwise Tobi would be flying 50 feet across town by now.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Deidara was off again on a date with Gai to go to the Blossom Garden located just a few miles from the village. While Deidara didn't mind the long walk, Gai refused to allow her to walk such a long way and instead carried her on his freakin' back. He tried telling the older man that would be fine, but he was persistent on getting her there without her being so tired she wouldn't be able to enjoy the beauty in front of her.

"It's fine. Really. I don't mind...whoa!" She had already be put on his back. "Gai, you really don't have to, hm!"

Gai just ignored him and took off running for the gardens. By the time they arrived, his hair was all over the place from the speed Gai had gone taking them there. Well that's what he got for trying to look nice for this date. He quickly undid the now messy bun he had in his head and just let hair hang loose and part his hair out of his eyes. The garden was indeed very beautiful and probably worth nearly getting knocked off his date's back to see it. Speaking of which, did Tobi catch up with them? He tried scanning his eyes among the flora and people to see if he could spot him. Damn it, where was that idiot? He didn't really need him there, but the fact still remained he was supposed to be his backup and that he was supposed to be his extra eyes.

"Deidara, you seem to be distracted. Something wrong?"

"Oh no no! I was just looking to see if they had any uh..." A flower couldn't pop into his head that he hadn't seen. "What's the name? Oh a cosmo!"

"I know just where that is." As Gai lead him, he made a mental note that if he didn't say anything or show up soon, he was beating his ass. At the end of the date, Gai presented him with a bouquet of red roses.

"Thank you." He said in a low voice as he hide his face just below the eyes and cast his eyes down shyly. He couldn't work up a blush so this was the best he could do. It obviously didn't mind as he smiled at her shyness and kissed her forehead. She just looked so adorable!

Just as they were starting to walk away from the flower stand, he heard laughter and he knew that laugh well. There he was even if he was laughing his ass off. Next up they stopped at a dango stand and while Gai ordered for them, Deidara excused himself to go to the bathroom. When he went into the bathroom located beside the shop, he whispered into his mic. "Tobi, what the hell took you so long?"

"I can't help Gai is fast!"

"Then you better start being faster, idiot, un!" snapped his partner.

"Ok! Ok! Geez...soooo enjoying your date with Gai-chan?" He giggled.

"Keep it up you little bastard and the more you laugh, the more I'll beat you when I get back!"

"Don't be so grumpy, Deidara-senpai. Oh I know what you need!"

"What?"

"Crack open the door."

"Okay." What was this idiot going to do? He cracked the door open only to be handed a tampon. He burst out of the bathroom, grabbed Tobi, and began strangling the masked man. "You motherfucker! You're just begging to be killed aren't you?! Stop trying to make me mad, you fucker!"

Tobi tried speaking but the younger man was choking the shit outta him. Then both heard a knock on the door. "Deidara, are you okay? You've been in there for a while."

"I'm fine, Gai! I just need a few more minutes. I had a bad taco."

"Don't tell me you went to Chili's."

"Say yes!" whispered Tobi.

"Uh yes." He glared at Tobi. "You better not be fucking me over."

"You will be in there for a while. Should I get these to go?"

"Oh no! That'll be fine! I'm nearly done!"

"You sure?"

"Yes! Just wait for me, okay baby?"

"Anything for you, Deidara."

"Baby, huh?" Tobi snickered. This earned him another choking. When Deidara let him go, he recieved a punch to the face.

"You better start watching yourself when you laugh, you little bastard." Deidara left the bathroom and went over to his date. "Sorry I took so long. I hope I didn't mess up anything for you."

"Not at all, Deidara."

Tobi meanwhile observed the pair from afar. The blonde ninja was doing a good job so far and nothing indicated that Gai knew anything that was going on. If he kept it up, they'd be getting closer to their goal with the bonus of him getting this on video to tease Deidara with. He wondered if any of the other members would be interested in seeing this hilarious sight. Then he noticed Kakashi walking up while Gai went to the bathroom. Now this was going to be interesting and maybe even a bit hilarious.

"Hey, Gai," He looked over at the "woman." "You."

"I have a name," Deidara glared at the older man.

"I bet you do, Todd."

Deidara's fist clinched and Tobi thought about interfering but didn't when he made no movement. "What did you just call me?"

"Sooner or later you're gonna have to tell him you're a dude."

"I am not a man!"

"Those manish legs say otherwise, sir."

If it were him, Deidara would have whooped Tobi's ass from the Leaf to the Mist Village twice. Since he didn't want to blow his cover, he could only give him an ugly look while clinching his fists in anger. Just hold it in, Deidara. Don't do anything!

"I don't have manish legs and even if I did, Gai loves 'em!"

"And I bet he loves that adam's apple too, huh?"

Deidara jumped up. "You better go before I fuck you up."

"With what? Your sword?"

'Stop provoking him, Kakashi.' It was too late.

"Fuck you, you piece of shit! I'll teach you how to talk to a woman, you bastard!" Deidara covered his mouth as he had went back out of his other voice. Tobi palm faced.

"I knew it! I knew you were a man!"

"You know what? I'm am but you're not going to live long enough to tell him!"

'You hot headed idiot!' Tobi yelled in his head. He wondered if he should step in and get Deidara away in case he gave away he was in the Akatsuki or let them go at it. Before he could make up his mind, Deidara pulled out a clay spider and threw it at the man. It created a large explosion once it hit the ground. Tobi grabbed Deidara and dragged him away from the debris. Meanwhile Gai had come out at the noise and Tobi shoved his partner the man's way.

"What the heck's going on here?" said Gai. "Deidara! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" She snatched her arm away from the man once he helped her up. "Just take me home!"

"But...!"

"Take me home now!" Gai picked her up and headed back to the village. He really should investigate the explosion since he was there, but then Deidara could be hurt. He'd just notify someone of the incident while he tended to Deidara.

Once they got back, he asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital but she refused. "I just wanna go home."

When they were back to her room, they sat down on the bed and he asked her what happened back at the dango stand. She was quiet for a minute before saying that she didn't want to talk about it. Gai wondered if it might have been her ex-boyfriend who had attacked her. If it was, he'd find the bastard and beat the shit out of him. Tobi, who was observing the pair, wondered what was going through the man's mind about the situation. Did he suspect anything or was he just worried about her?

"I'll stay with you, if you want."

"Thank you. Please do." Deidara gave him puppy eyes. "I-I-I don't feel safe."

"I'll stay as long as you want me to."

"Ooooh so juicy!" Tobi laughed. "Are you two gonna make out and do, you know, it?"

Deidara's face twitched but Gai didn't notice as he told her that he'd go get his stuff and he'd be right back. The blonde man quickly stopped him and grabbed his arm. "Gai, please don't leave! What if something happens while you're gone?"

Gai sat back down with her and wrapped his arms around her and gave her a squeeze. "Don't fret, Deidara. I'll stay with you until you feel safer."

"Thank you." He said burying his face into the man's chest. 'Hook, line, and sinker. What a sucker!'

"Awwww!" cooed Tobi.

'Shut it!' He thought wishing Tobi could hear him. He just loved pushing it.

* * *

 **To anyone wondering, Deidara only wants Gai to stick around because Kakashi might tell him what happened.**


	5. Chapter 5

When morning came, Deidara woke up to find the older man sleeping peacefully beside him and was drooling a bit. Deidara slipped out of the bed carefully as not to wake the man. Once he was up, he went into the bathroom where Tobi was sleeping in the tub. He went over to him and shook him awake.

"Wake up, Tobi," He whispered. "I need to talk to you."

He yawned. "Oh good morning, Deidara-senpai. Have a nice night?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Deidara gave him an ugly look. He better be talking about sleeping.

"Just wondering if you had a nice sleep."

"Then say that, idiot."

"What? Thought I was thinking you were having sex?"

"With how you've been acting..." He shook his head. "Nevermind. We need to deal with you know who."

"Gai? But you two were getting on so well."

"No. I meant Kakashi."

"Why should I help you?"

"Excuse me?"

"For one thing _you_ shouldn't have lost your temper." He pointed out. "We're are in the Akatsuki after all and you've been in there longer than I have. You're always telling me off for doing dumb things, but there you were doing the same thing."

As mad as his statement made him, he wasn't lying. If he hadn't tried to kill Kakashi, he wouldn't be in this situation. He wasn't going to admit that to Tobi though. If he had been Sasori, he wouldn't let it go even after the mission was over and he'd constantly get it held over his head.

"Just shut up. I'm sorry I woke you up. I'll just deal with it on my own. Did you at least see if it hit him?"

"It was hard to tell. If it did, don't be surprised if he comes around to fight you or tells Gai about it."

Just then he heard talking outside the door. The blonde man peeked out and saw Kakashi speaking with Gai in barely audible whispers. "Damn it. He's here."

"Do something before he blows our cover!"

"I know," He frowned. "Tobi, get out the tub and close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Deidara took a quick bath and placed a towel around himself. His plan was to step into the room and get Gai to force the ninja out of the room as he was in a towel and naked underneath. Before he could, Kakashi opened up the door and took them by surprise. Luckily Tobi had already gone into the tub after Deidara got out of it. The blonde man cried out in surprise and fell over in the process.

"What the heck!" Deidara covered his non existant chest and tightly closed his legs. "Get out of here, you pervert!"

"Stop the act, Deidara," Kakashi grabbed him. "We know you're a man!"

"Let go you're hurting me!" Deidara cried.

"Let go of her, Kakashi!" Gai pulled him off her and got by her side. "Are you okay, Deidara?"

"No!" She clung to him and shivered in "fear". "He's scaring me!"

"I should do more than that after you nearly blew me up!"

"How dare you talk to her that way!" Gai said holding the "sobbing" woman to his chest. "She just got out of an abusive relationship and you're reminding her of it! Have you no shame?!"

"No sha- Gai, you're being ridiculous! Don't you know any better?"

"ou're making up excuses just because she doesn't want you like all those other girls you stole from me!" Gai blurted out. He had been holding that in for a long time and he was glad to get it off his chest.

"Gai, that has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard from you." He rolled his eyes. "I have never dated any of the women that left you! Do you really think that's the kind of guy I am?"

"Yes I do."

"Then you're a fool and an even bigger fool for believing _him_ over me." Kakashi shook his head. "Good luck finding a chest unless he has man-boobs and I hope you just love anal because there's no..."

"Him? I'm tired of you insulting her! GET OUT! JUST GET OUT! GO!" He yelled. "I won't have this anymore!"

Kakashi just looked from one to another before sighing. "Fine, but when she tries to blow you up don't come crawling to me."

"Fuck you." The gray haired man didn't seem to care at all as he turned around and left. As much as the taller man cared for his now former friend and rival, he couldn't just let him insult the woman. Gai went back comforting Deidara who was continuing to fake cry. "There. There. The bad man's gone."

'"The bad man's gone?" What am I? A little kid?' He rolled his eyes. "A-a-are you sure?"

"Yeah and if he bothers you anymore, I'll smack him!"

"You're so cool, Gai," He sniffed. "I wish I had met you sooner."

After allowing him to cry on his shoulder for a while, Gai helped him up."I-I need to get dressed."

"Go ahead. I'll wait for you in here."

When he stepped inside, Tobi poked him from the back just as Deidara was about to take off his towel and whispered in his ear, "He got you good."

Deidara slapped Tobi. "Shut it!"

* * *

Gai couldn't believe the rude behavior Kakashi had towards his girlfriend. First he was trying to say she was a man and then he accused her of trying to kill him! Why was he giving his new girlfriend such a hard time? The only thing he could think of was he just wanted to get him to leave Deidara so he would dump her and then he could get with her! That evil genius! Otherwise Kakashi would be a lot nicer to her than he was at the moment! Maybe since she didn't want him, he was trying to split them up by riling up Deidara!

'That evil strategist!' Gai frowned. 'He needs to be put in his place being mean to my woman! My woman...yes! My woman and I'm her man! I won't let that bastard get away with insulting my woman!'

"I'm finished," said Deidara flinging open the door. Looking over at her, she was wearing a green turtle neck sweater, black skirt, black stockings, and black boots while Deidara's mascara was running down his face.

"Your mascara is running." He said pointing at her face.

"Oh? Stupid cheap brand," She wiped her face on her sleeve. "I didn't have time to grab my other kind."

"I'll get you the best kind money can buy," He said petting her cheek. "I'm sorry about Kakashi. He doesn't normally act like this."

"From what I've seen it's pretty normal to me," frowned Deidara as he crossed his arms. "I don't like him."

"You don't have to. I'm gonna deal with him."

"Don't do anything crazy," said Deidara with pleading eyes. "I don't want you getting hurt."

'At least not until you show me where the little punk that has the nine-tails is.' thought Deidara.

"I won't unless he makes another crack at you," He assured her.

"Oh Gai-chan...um can I call you that?" Deidara batted his eyes at him.

"You can call me what you want," He cooed at her.

"Gai-chan, you're so amazing! You're _way_ better than my nasty ex-boyfriend!" The two of them hugged each other tightly. "You're way cuter too."

"You're pretty cute yourself," He kissed the top of her head. "I think its about time I introduced you to my team."

"Uh what?"

"My team, Deidara-san!" Gai grinned and flashed his signature smile and gave a thumbs up to her. "I'm sure they'll love you!"

"I uh...I-I don't think that's a good idea. What if they don't like me?" asked Deidara. He was pretty damn nervous about meeting his team especially given Kakashi's reaction towards him. What if they were the same and knew he was a man or thought he was one? He learned from Gai that Neji was from the Hyuuga clan and thus had the Byakugan and could see through his clothes to see he was a man. Then again if the guy was as serious Gai stated he was, he would probably not care or show interest in him. Rock Lee would probably hold any insults in and it was hard to tell with Tenten.

"They will," he assured her.

"If you're sure...let me fix my makeup," Deidara scurried off into the bathroom. "Tobi, he wants me to meet his team! HIS FUCKING TEAM!"

"Oh dear," Tobi had to use his head. Was it worth it? Surely the Hyuuga wouldn't use his eyes to see if Deidara was a man. From what Deidara said Gai said about the Hyuuga, he didn't seem like the type. "I think you should still go. I'm sure they won't notice your man legs too much."

"I hope not. You coming?" He asked as he began putting on his mascara after wiping his face.

"I better not this time. You're on your own, senpai."

"I thought so not that you were any help." He put away the makeup bag and headed out the door. "I'm ready!"

* * *

Sakura was at the training field waiting on their sensei when Naruto ran up. "Hey, Sakura-chan. Sorry about being so late. I forgot to set my alarm."

"Oh don't worry about," she said with a wave of the hand as she was flipping through a book about plants. "You know Kakashi-sensei doesn't show up for an hour or more. I brought a book I borrowed from Tsunade-sama to read to pass the time. No reason to sit around being bored waiting for him to show up. Surprised we haven't started doing this!"

"Probably still foolishly thinking he'd show up early or on time." sighed Naruto as he laid down on the ground with his hands behind his head. "I should have cooked some ramen and brought it with me."

"You still can. It's about a minute until Kakashi is supposed to meet up here, but we both know he won't. You could cook 3 bowls full and he still won't be here."

"Right! I'm gonna go...AH!" Naruto had been in the middle of getting up while Kakashi poofed up in front of them. "K-Kakashi-sensei!"

Sakura choked on the granola bar she was eating and began beating her chest. Her team mate ran to her side and helped her to get it out of her throat. It flew out of her mouth and hit him in the forehead and he merely blinked. "Thank you Naruto and what are you doing here?!"

"What do you mean? I asked you two to be here."

"We know that." said Naruto as he took his arms from around the pink haired kunoichi. "She meant why are you so earlier."

"Only by a minute." He shrugged.

"It could have been 5 minutes and we still wouldn't care! You're not an hour or two late!"

"Maybe I wanna change."

"Bullshit!" yelled Naruto and Sakura.

"Enough about me being early. Let's just get started."

They trained for a while together and when it was break time, Sakura and Naruto sat together and talked about their sensei. Kakashi was acting a little strange today. He came a minute early, he didn't have his book (something he always has), he always seemed to be in some sort of daze, he didn't talk much, and he barely tried dodging any attacks from either of them.

"Is it just me or is Kakashi acting weird?" asked Sakura. Both looked over towards the ninja would was leaning against a tree and staring off into the distance.

"Yeah, I noticed that! At first I thought it was important is why he showed up but when we started sparring and all and he still didn't say or do anything, that's when I knew something was up especially when he didn't pull out that book by Pervy Sage."

"And he didn't say much today."

"And he let us hit him a lot. It wasn't even like it was a fair hit. He didn't try dodging"

"Yeah," She sent their sensei a worried look. "He doesn't look sick but even looks don't mean anything. I wonder if one of his dogs died."

"Or someone close to him did, but then he would have said it."

"He could be really sad though. We should go talk to him." They nodded and headed over to their teacher. Sakura cleared her throat and spoke first. "Hi, Kakashi."

"Hm."

"We couldn't help but to notice you seem a bit...distant."

"And if you wanna talk about it, you can tell us."

Kakashi just shrugged. "It's nothing you guys. You don't have to worry about it." He appeared to think about it. "You know what. Actually I think the two of you are a trustworthy pair. I need you two to do something for me."

"What?" asked Naruto.

"Gai has this new girlfriend, but the thing is she's a man."

"You mean Bushy Brow-sensei is gay! I should have known with how flamboyant he tends to act and how close he and Lee are. Is it Lee because when did he stop liking Sa-..."

"That's not what he's saying. He's saying that Gai-sensei is dating someone whose pretending to be a woman." She turned to the gray haired man. "Right, sensei?"

"Right," He nodded. "The worst part about it is that the bastard tried blowing me up and when I told Gai, he refused to believe me!

"What?!" The two exclaimed in unison.

"Then what?" asked Naruto.

"He told me that I was just trying to split them up because she wouldn't leave him like those other girl he had that tried to pursue me!"

"He said that?" Sakura said in surprise. Gai must have been really hurting from all those women leaving him and chasing after Kakashi. It had to be a lot of women in order for him to throw away a friendship. She couldn't help but to feel bad for both of them.

"Yeah and I know if I try to make him see the guy for what he is, he'll see me and might try fighting me."

"So you want us to spy on him." said Naruto.

"Yes. Gai and I have been friends for years. I just don't want to see him hurt, you know."

"We'll do our best. What does he look like?" asked Sakura. Kakashi gave them a description of the man and thanked them for helping him out. When they parted ways for the evening, Kakashi just hoped this Deidara person didn't try harming guy with those clay bombs he had. He also had an itching feeling he should look this guy up, preferably the bingo books as his name sounded familiar.


	6. Chapter 6

Deidara was keeping a calm disposition, but on the inside he was a little nervous. She tightly gripped his arm as they went to the training grounds to meet his team. Would they know something was up, tell Gai, and force him and Tobi to retreat? No they couldn't. Deidara had nothing akatsuki related on him but that didn't mean one of them wouldn't recognize him. Did the Leaf even know all of the Akatsuki members? He hoped not because he mostly still looked the same. Maybe he should have gotten colored contacts and dyed his hair.

When they got to the team who was waiting on them, Gai instantly introduction her as being the most beautiful and amazing woman he'd ever met and that she was going to be his wife someday. Deidara stared at him. His what now? 'I hate to disappoint you, but I don't intend on being anything and I sure as hell am not sticking around to be your wife.'

"It's nice to meet you," Tenten bowed towards her. "I'm Tenten."

"And I'm Rock Lee." Neji didn't say a word and Lee nudged him. Neji had been staring off into the distance into a different direction until Lee prodded him.

"What?" Neji noticed Deidara. "Oh hello. I'm Neji."

"Don't be shy," Gai said rubbed Deidara's side. He wanted to punch Gai for touching him like that. He really didn't want to speak but he had to do it anyways just to get it over with.

"Hi! Nice to finally meet you all," Deidara waved as she flashed a friendly smile at the pair. "Gai talks a lot about you guys."

Tenten blinked and her smile quickly left her face for a moment with a shocked look before letting it disappear and a small smile appeared back on her face. Rock Lee had a wide eyed look on his face and his smile had completely disappeared into a straight line. "He talks about you as well, right Lee?"

When Lee didn't answer, Tenten nudged him. "Oh yes! A lot!"

"I love your dress!" said Tenten trying to break the tension. "Where'd you get it from?"

"Oh my brother brought it for me for my birthday," said Deidara lying out his ass. Tobi had gotten it for him from somewhere just for wooing Gai. He didn't ask nor care anything for it, but if it was going to help him get with Gai he'd take it.

"It looks so cute on you and I love your hair. Maybe the two of us can have a girls night sometime and you can teach me how to be as well dressed as you!"

"I'd love to do that one day!" He smiled. He had no plans of doing that especially since Tenten could find out that he was a man. He didn't care how close it would get him into getting a hold of Naruto. He wasn't risking anything with Tenten seeing that he was a man and there was also the fact that Tobi would laugh at him.

"You should totally do it!" Deidara cursed when he heard Tobi's voice. It was as if he heard his thoughts! "Pillow fights, learning how to put on your makeup better, gossiping, telling ghost stories, doing each other's hair..."

'Shut up you!' He wished Tobi could hear him now. Was he _trying_ to provoke him? For someone who didn't want him to give them away, he sure was pushing him to snapping.

"How about this weekend?"

"This weekend? I'm afraid I'm doing something with Gai."

"It's okay." said Gai. "You two have fun. We can do whatever we want some other time."

'Damn you,' thought Deidara.

"I can't wait to see this," the masked man giggled.

'Not if I tie you down!'

"Great! Gai, could you do me a favor?"

"Anything for you."

"Babysit my brother," Deidara mentally smirked.

"Huh?" squeaked Tobi.

"Ya. I don't trust the little guy alone." Deidara wanted nothing more for Tobi to not be able to laugh at his situation. By slapping Tobi and Gai together, he could be free from the moron's constant laughing and teasing. He was also secretly afraid that he might snap at Tobi out loud leading Tenten to think he was crazy. Speaking of snapping at someone, he had to be careful not to snap on his pretend's boyfriend's student though she probably wouldn't be a problem.

"That'll be fine with me," said Gai. Deidara had spoken a little about her brother but not enough to give the man a clear picture of what the kid was like. Maybe he could also find out a bit more about the woman through her brother. Besides it wouldn't hurt to get to know her family better.

"D-deidara, you're not serious are you?" said Tobi.

"Great!" smiled the blonde man. "I'll let him know."

Once the weekend had come up, Deidara had packed up his things in a pink duffel bag full of clothes, make up, stockings, shoes, and other things he would either need or just have for show. Tobi picked up a red bra.

"You're a bit on the flat side, aren't you?" Tobi snickered. Deidara smacked him in the face.

"They're for show, idiot!" He fumed as he snatched the bra away from him and shoved it back into the bag. "All of it is!"

"What about these pink pjs?" He held up a pink pajama top with bunnies on them. His partner quickly snatched them away from him.

"No, I'm wearing them. This **_is_** a sleepover after all."

"You're trying too hard to look cute. Just because Gai thinks you're cute, anybody with eyes can see you're really ugly."

"You know what Tobi? That's why you're wearing this!" He held up a pink bunny costume.

"W-why?!"

"Because you're supposed to be my little brother, that's why. I need you to act like you usually do and get to know him. The closer we get to him, the more shit he'll tell us."

Tobi still protested against being with the man and wanted to keep looking after Deidara when the blonde man laughed. "Damn, Tobi. I didn't know you were a pervert."

"I'm not! I'm just saying because of you and Kakashi! You'll for sure mess up your chances if you blew her up!" Tobi had a good point. With how nice the brunette was to him at first glance, Gai would for sure be on his student's side.

"I won't! I'll be careful!" There was a knock on the door. "That's probably Tenten. See ya, sucka!"

Deidara went to the door and indeed it was Tenten. The two headed over to her place with the kuniochi talking about how much fun they were going to have. Deidara listened the whole time and only spoke up when she heard that she had invited another girl. "Oh?"

"It's just one other girl," she assured her. "It's my friend, Sakura."

"Oh more girls. That'll be fun. I'm always willing to meet more people," He giggled as he was lying right out of his behind. More girls? It was already bad enough with her! Now there were others there! What next? They were having boys over as well? He didn't need more people and what made her invite the others too? "Especially those around my age teehee."

"How old are you anyways? You look pretty young."

"19."

"Oh!" She exclaimed. Gai was really aiming lower than what he previously had. Usually they were women either around his age or just a few years younger than him. This woman was 2 years older than her. She wondered if Gai knew. Maybe she should keep an on her. Younger women sometimes tended to be unfaithful or were looking for sugar daddies. She hoped the older woman wasn't the case. With how many women left Gai, he needed a faithful woman.

"I don't think we're that much apart in age," said Deidara.

"Who us?"

'No shit!' thought the man. He didn't look anywhere near Gai's age. No shit he was referring to Tenten. "Yeah. How old are you?"

"17. I turn 18 in a few months."

"That's cool!" Deidara wasn't sure what to say outside of that. He couldn't care less that they were around the same age and was only saying it to be nice. Luckily Tenten kept the conversation going.

"So where're you from?" she asked. "I don't think I've seen you in Konoha before."

"I'm from a small farming town," said Deidara. If he mentioned his real village, Tenten might put one and two together if she ever suspected who he was. "I only left there because of my stupid ex-boyfriend. Its called Miaso."

"Oh I've been there. It's a really nice town and the views points are stunning." said Tenten. Deidara nodded in agreement although he hadn't the slightest clue what the village looked like in detail. He had only been on the outskirts of the town and it was the only town he could think of at the moment.

"Very much so," he nodded.

"You're pretty far from home."

"Yeah but I do call home every now and then," he lied. Speaking of calling, was Tobi going to slip away from Gai to call him? He really hoped not. The masked ninja was posing as his brother and keeping the older man busy although in this case Gai was keeping Tobi busy. He couldn't have Tobi laughing his ass off at him. He would surely snap if Tobi teased him for the sleepover and female related activities that came with it. With Tobi out of the way, he didn't have to worry too much about the sleepover and accidentally harming Tenten and whoever else was going to be there. Then again he would rather know where the masked man was. Now that he thought about it, Tobi could be telling Gai all kinds of embarrassing things that either were true or were made up for a laugh. If he found out Tobi had done so, he was going to get an even bigger beating than he already was for making fun of him.

"It must be so lonely being away from your family," said Tenten.

"A little, but Gai has made me feel better about it," He said with a soft smile. "He's so amazing. You're so lucky to have known him for such a long time. I suppose I'm lucky too to have him as a boyfriend. He's so kind and funny and pretty cute too."

When they got to Tenten's home, Deidara found another girl already there playing a video game and she looked incredibly familiar. She had long blonde hair in pigtails that reached past her knees, had big blue eyes, and whiskers. Didn't that Naruto kid have whiskers as well? As far as he knew, the brat didn't have any siblings or cousins or family. She smiled brightly at him and waved with the hand not on the controller. Tenten introduced her as Jade and when "Jade" said that it was nice to meet her, Deidara was taken aback by her voice. If it was the nine tailed brat, he sounded like a woman making Deidara jealous that he couldn't do a female voice that good. He nearly asked how he did it.

"It's nice it meet you too," Deidara noticed a huge twitch of the lip that looked as if Jade was about to crack up but caught herself. Well too fucking late for that! Jade then asked if she wanted to play which Deidara complied with. They played Mortal Combat for a few minutes until a pink haired teenager showed up and greeted Jade and Deidara. He was relieved when Tenten announced that was everyone. Good! Now to deal with the rest of the night. Hopefully Tobi and Gai stayed busy together while he was with these people.

* * *

Tobi wanted no more than to spy on Deidara and laugh at him. This was one of the perks of being teamed up with Deidara and a bonus to starting the Akatsuki. Of all his years being in the background, he was glad to be partnered with one of the members and see one of the most hilarious things he had ever seen. Too bad he wasn't going to see it since he was stuck with Gai. He didn't dislike the man at all. He just disliked being with him while hilarity and hijinks happened. There was no telling what was going on! Deidara being too rough during pillow fights, someone pointing out his lack of a chest (and probably ass), make up mishaps, Deidara getting mad and speaking in his real voice, the girls' reactions to his voice, and so much more! Well at least he could tell Gai more about Deidara.

"...and be careful when you give her spicy food," said Tobi as he was popping bubble wrap with Gai. "The second she eats it, it's too late. She starts farting and exploding the bathroom. It smells so bad, you'll faint the moment it happens."

"Really?" Gai suddenly had a dreamy smile on his face. "I smelt it yesterday. It smelled like strawberries. You should have seen her. She looks so adorable when she's embarrassed. I think i might have to give her spicy foods more often."

Tobi gave him a weirded out look. Wow. Him getting dumped so much was that bad. He was glad he did't have that problem.

* * *

Next up, Deidara's sleepover.


	7. Chapter 7

"Now that's everyone's here," began Tenten as she clasped together her hands. "What do you guys wanna do first?"

"How about makeovers?" suggested Sakura. Deidara nearly frowned at the idea but fought it off. He was suppose to be getting along with these people especially Tenten in order to please Gai. Hopefully these people knew what they were doing and wouldn't make him look like a clown.

"That's a great idea," smiled Deidara. Jade coughed violently but stopped when Sakura elbowed her. "Do you need some medicine, Jade? That cough sounds nasty."

'Or would you like a bomb to the face?' he glared at him inside of his mind. 'I can't help all of us can't sound entirely like a chick!'

"N-no, I-I'm fine!"

"I'll get started on your hair, Deidara," volunteered Sakura.

"And I'll do Jade's." said Tenten. As they started on each other's hair, Deidara wondered about what was going on back at their hotel room and if Tobi was pestering Gai about their dates and then embarrassing his partner. He better not saY anything too stupid.

* * *

Meanwhile Kakashi was searching the bingo book for Deidara when he bumped into Asuma. "Oh hey there, Asuma. Sorry about that."

"Reading the new Make Out Paradise book, huh?" asked the bearded man. "I heard it's suppose to be really good."

"Really?" Kakashi had no idea that the new book was already out. Jiriaya must have finished early. Before he could press on about the book, he suddenly remembered what he was doing before. Perhaps Asuma something about this Deidara person. If not, he'd happily ask someone else if not the hokage. He didn't want anything happening to Gai if this guy was a threat to him. "Actually I wasn't reading it. I didn't even know it was out."

"You're usually up to date on this sort of thing," he laughed. "First time I've seen you with a completely different book and looking so invested."

"I'm doing a little research on someone by the name of Deidara," admitted the gray haired man. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about this person would you?"

"Deidara...hm, yeah a bit. He's part of the akatsuki and his main and so far only attack method are using bombs," explained Asuma. He noticed Kakashi's eyes widened, his face turned pale, and his book dropped from his hands. "Kakashi? Are you alright?"

"Shit!" he exclaimed. "I just sent my team to follow that bastard and Gai...!"

"What?"

"We have to hurry over to that hotel room and save Gai!" He took off running. Asuma was confused about what was going on, but he followed him anyways.

* * *

"And done!" Sakura held up a mirror to show Deidara's face. Sakura had done a pretty good job with her make up and hair. She had braided back and put little flower pins in the braid. "How do you like it?"

"I love it!" beamed Deidara. 'It's not terrible at least. Better than the hairstyles Tobi tried to do. Girls should know how to do another girl's hair than a boy would. Last time Tobi tried out a popular female hairstyle, my hair ended up getting so tangled it took 3 hours to get it loose. I thought I would have to cut it shorter than it originally was. Tobi could learn a thing or two if he wasn't suck a gossip.'

"Now it's my turn!" The two switched places and Deidara reluctantly started on her hair.

'Damn it...uh this goes here? No, that's not right...' he frowned. 'What about a bun? Yeah that's a lot safer."

He quickly and neatly fashioned her hair into a bun, carefully inserting pins into her hair. Now what? He supposed it was okay. It was better than making her hair into a hot mess. "There all done! I don't really know how to do hair well."

"Don't worry, you did great. It looks like what a ballerina would have her hair." She turned to Tenten. "How did...oh gosh."

Tenten was staring in horror at her mirror at how Jade did her's. It look like a rat's nest that got invaded with by a bird. Deidara bit his lip as he tried not to snicker. At least he wasn't the only one who didn't know how to do hair. At least he knew how to do a bun.

"Oh you look so lovely," Deidara clapping his hands together. "Good job!"

'Is she serious?' Sakura's eye twitched. 'That looks terrible on her. Hm now that I think about it, I should have let Naruto do her hair. She wouldn't be so happy if it was her or rather him. Whatever Deidara is. We just have to hear an outburst."

"Yes...so lovely..." she said slowly. "Thank you Jade."

"Time for nails!" said Sakura.

"Right!" said Tenten. 'Surely Naruto won't paint my nails.'

Deidara knew how to paint nails since members of the Akatsuki painted theirs. He picked a nice blue color while Sakura picked red, Tenten picked green, and Naruto choose orange and blue. While doing their nails, Tenten began talking about her last mission. He found it rather boring hearing about it but as long as they all got along. Then something she said caught his ear. "...and then I heard that Sasuke was spotted in...hey, Deidara, are you okay?"

Deidara had let the nastiest look on his face at the mere mention of that asshole. That bastard was still alive? Damn it, he thought that explosion killed him! He was still living! That cocky Uchiha was still alive! Dammit! If he ever got his hands on that bastard, he was going to make sure he finished him off for good! He didn't even care if he had to take everybody around him to get his way, nine-tails and all. It wasn't until he received a poke to the cheek was when he realized he was being stared at.

"What?"

"Are you okay?" repeatedly Tenten. "Do you know him?"

"Yeah, he's a pompous little cretin!" He knew it was the wrong thing to say around Sakura and maybe even the blonde girl since he had been told by Gai about Kakashi's team. He didn't care though. He wasn't afraid of letting anyone know he hated Sasuke with a fiery passion.

"How'd you two meet?" asked Naruto.

'Shit what do I say?' he thought. "It doesn't matter. Can we just talk about something else? I don't want to put myself in a bad move tonight. This sleepover is suppose to be fun so let's talk about something fun, okay?"

Both Sakura and Jade gave her suspicious looks and wanted to press on about her relationship with Sasuke if it wasn't so dangerous to get her mad. "Okay well how did you and Gai meet?"

'Now that's something I can answer,' Deidara thought relieved. "He found me crying on the training grounds after my boyfriend beat me."

"Oh my gosh!" the brunette gasped. "That's so horrible."

"And then Gai came along and comforted me."

"How noble of him," smiled Sakura. "Gai's a really nice guy. It's a good thing the two of you met and you're not with that horrible man anymore."

"Yeah. He was a dirty cheater anyways." she frowned. "So uh do any of you have any boyfriends?"

"Oh no," said Sakura. "Though I do have someone in mind."

"Then go for it."

"It's kinda complicated. He's not in the village anymore."

"I see. Long distance relationship don't really work very well anyways. It's no fun not being able to see the other person." He turned to Tenten. "What about you, Tenten? You're so pretty! Surely you have the boys all over you, especially those cute guys you have on your team."

Tenten blushed. "T-thanks. I guess Neji's pretty cute, but I doubt he's interested."

"He'd be a fool not to be," said Deidara. "Maybe he's just too shy to walk up to you."

"I dunno," she sighed. As she began babbling on about how she would wish Neji would notice her, Deidara toned her out. He had no interest in their love lives. He was only making conversation to get their minds off him. While he was sitting to the girls drone on about unrequited crushes, he wondered how Tobi and Gai were doing.

* * *

"So then Deidara had a stomachache for three days!" laughed Tobi. He had just told a rather amusing story about how Deidara ate a ton of food and got sick. Gai never took Deidara for a heavy eater as he always ate as lightly as possible. Maybe she didn't want to seem like such a heavy eater because she might scare him away. She could never do that! He loved her for who she was and everybody had flaws. It wasn't enough to turn him off of her. This was the woman he wanted to be the mother of his children after all.

"Poor thing," He then sighed dreamily. "I bet she still look so amazing stuffing her face."

"You're a strange one Gai," said Tobi rubbing the back of his head. 'They say love is blind and it truly is. Gai really loves Deidara doesn't he? I kinda feel bad for him.'

"I've been told that a lot," he shrugged. "Does Deidara ever talk about marriage?"

"Ooh all the time! She just wishes you would just go and propose already."

"Really?" Before Gai could press onward, there was an urgent pounding at the door. "I wonder who that could be?"

"You go check it out," said Tobi. "Sounds scary."

Gai nodded while Tobi fled to the bathroom. The masked man figured it had to be Kakashi or some other ninja pounding at their door. Whoever it was, he wasn't sticking around to get caught. Indeed it was Kakashi and another ninja as well. It was Asuma from what he could recall and he was right.

"Oh it's you," said Gai. "What the heck do you want?"

"Gai, you're in trouble!" exclaimed his rival. "That woman is actually man that..."

"Stop with the idiocy!" Gai threw up his hands. "She's not a man damn it! I'll beat your ass right here."

"Hold on, what the hell's going on here?" piped up Asuma. He hadn't the slightest clue what was going on here. He wished Kakashi had explained at least something on at the way here.

"What's happening is that Kakashi's a piece of shit!" yelled Gai. "He's been harassing my girlfriend and soon to be wife for the longest time! He's also been calling her a man!"

"BECAUSE HE IS! YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER, YOU FOOL!" the gray haired man yelled. "Where is that bitch?"

"Who!?"

"Deidara, the guy in the Akatsuki!" Kakashi quickly explained. "He tried to blow me up once!"

"Whoa! How do you even know...?"

"Turn the book and see for yourself!" Kakashi handed the bearded man the book. "Gai, you better tell me where that thing is hiding or else!"

"You're dangerously close to getting your ass handed your to you!" threatened the taller male. "I'm tired of your bullshit and then to top it all off, you drag Asuma into this pitful mess!"

"The only thing pitiful here is you being so blinded by that bastard!"

"Is this the same guy you saw?" Asuma showed them the picture of the man. Kakashi nodded and turned to Gai.

"Well is this her or not?"

"Yes, but this is clearly a fake entry," Gai crossed his arms. "What idiot would use his or her own name when they're a criminal ninja?"

"Your idiot of a fake girlfriend that's who!" shouted Kakashi. Why wouldn't he believe him? He wouldn't lie to Gai of all people especially when it came to the Akatsuki.

"That's it!" Gai threw a punch at the man and missed. "Fight me like a man, Hatake!"

"I don't want to fight you, Gai!" said Kakashi. Gai ignored him and attempted to attack him once more. Kakashi jumped down from the ledge with the taller man right after him. Asuma ran after the two men, attempting to stop the fight. However this just made Gai pissed and go after him. The two made shadow clones of themselves and ducked behind a dumpster after getting away the mad man.

"That was close. How long until he finds us?" whispered Asuma.

"I dunno, but we need to find that Deidara guy." said Kakashi. "I had my team keeping an eye on him. Maybe one of them knows."

"Right. I hope they're not in any danger."

"Same here. Let's go to Naruto's place first. He should be our first priority." He nodded and the two went off to Naruto's place while disgusted as a couple. Hopefully Gai hadn't seen them and they were safe for now.

* * *

More later. There will also more of the sleepover in the next chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

Guest- LOL He's either in complete denial or crazy from all the women leaving him or both. Hahaha. Who knows. ;3 It's tragic that he won't believe Kakashi that he's a dude and a dangerous criminal.

Oh he hasn't seen it yet. lol Deidara has made extra sure Gai won't see it.

Not likely since Deidara's only in the relationship to capture Naruto and this Tobi's not interested.

* * *

Gai punched a wall out of frustration after running into yet another shadow clone of Kakashi. Those two idiots were hiding somewhere and he had lost both of them. One would say he should just go home and calm down, but he refused to. He was sick and tired of Kakashi making fun of his beautiful soon to be wife. He had pushed him over the edge and now he was going to pay dearly for it! He couldn't believe those cowards would come to the hotel with that idiocy and then take off running!

Just as he was about to continue searching, he suddenly realized that he left his girlfriend's brother all alone! Forgetting his anger for the moment, he headed back to the hotel. The door was wide open from when he left. He hoped he hadn't wondered off after him or gotten hurt. Oh no! What if Deidara's ex came and kidnapped Tobi?! He burst into the room.

"TOBI!" He yelled. Sadly Tobi wasn't inside doing anything of interest or being there at all. He frantically searched the rooming, all the while praying his ward was still here. He found no trace of the boy. He did notice a piece of his bunny suit stuck in the window of the bathroom. Poor thing probably got scared off by all the yelling and fled to safety or his big sister. He had to find him before he got lost.

Meanwhile Tobi was anything but lost. He had placed a tracking device into Deidara's bag before he left and headed over to warn him about Kakashi and Asuma. He doubted Deidara had his mic on or at least with him as he wasn't answering him at all. He climbed the tree and found a rather amusing sight inside. Inside the girls were singing karaoke and dancing. The branch he was on was just close enough to hear the horrendous singing coming from inside. Geez if he didn't know any better, he would have thought a cat was being skinned after getting run over by a train and then beat with a hammer.

"Oh god this is torture," groaned Tobi. "At least the dancing is pretty good...at least when compared to the singing. I should've brought some earplugs if I had known they'd be this bad."

Meanwhile the girls hadn't even noticed their bad singing. They were too busy dancing to a popular song that was turned up high with the singer nearly drowning them out. Deidara seemed to be having such a good time that Tobi nearly didn't want to interrupt his fun if he wasn't pretending that is. Then again he **_had_ ** to tell him about Gai and the two jounin. He lightly tossed a rock at the window but nobody heard. The music was pretty loud after all so maybe they thought it was a part of the music. Well there was only one thing to do; keep trying. He knocked on the window until Deidara noticed him. He waved and gestured for him to come over.

Deidara turned to Tenten and said something. She just nodded and went back to dancing and singing with the others. Deidara came outside and waved at him. The masked man got down and the two went into the nearby bushes to talk. "What do you want and how long have you been out there?"

"It's important I promise," assured Tobi. "And not that long. Nice singing Deidara-chan."

"Oh shut it, punk!" he snapped. "Now what's up? Wait where's Gai at?"

"That's why I'm here. Kakashi found out who you were and he got another ninja named Asuma in on it!"

"What? What about Gai?"

"He thought the picture in the bingo book was a fake and then went after Kakashi to fight for your honor."

"For real?" Wow Gai really did like him. He was totally going to kick his ass when the older man found out Kakashi was right the whole time. Hopefully he's be far gone before Gai could kick his ass for leading him on. "We have to get that brat before he realizes that asshole was right, hm!"

"Right!" Tobi nodded. "Any clue where he lives?"

"I have an idea where he is," Deidara pointed over towards the house. "That girl Jade looks a lot like him."

"Hold on...that kid is on the same team with Kakashi!" said Tobi. "We can snag that kid right now if we're careful!"

"But how though? I'm willing to bet that piece of shit told him to follow us since both of them are over here!"

"Drug 'em."

"Excuse me?" Of all the people to thinking of drugging someone, he had expected anybody but Tobi. It wasn't a bad idea though.

"Put some sleeping pills in their food or drinks," said Tobi. "That way we can just grab her and see if she's the nine tail's. We'll score big if it's him."

"Yeah. Do you have any?"

"Of course." He handed them over in a plastic bag. "I crushed them up for you just in case."

"Why do you have them..." he narrowed his eyes at Tobi. "You haven't been drugging me have you?"

"N-no way, Deidara-senpai!" said Tobi nervously. 'Only when you're really mad at me. Otherwise you're going to blow me up."

"If I ever find out..." Deidara snatched the pills from him. "I'm going to put on my mic just in case Kakashi heads this way."

"Right. Have fun!" he giggled.

"Don't make me harm you!" He shook a fist at him and headed back inside. When he got back inside, he found Tenten pouring up soda. Perfect!

"There you are Deidara! What did your brother want?"

"He missed me and wondered why I was gone." he sighed.

"Poor thing. He misses his big sister. Where is he now?"

"I sent him back to Gai. Hopefully he makes his way back or runs into Gai. He's probably worried sick about him. I hope he doesn't tear up the village looking for him."

"That's true." Tenten placed the bowl of popcorn and sodas on a tray. "We're about to watch a scary movie? Ever heard of 'Revenge of the Dolls'?"

"Yeah. I watched it with my little brother once. It's pretty creepy," He found the movie had rather creepy moments but the jump scares were rather predicable.

"I hoped you're ready to get your pants scared off again!" She grinned. "We're watching the sequel!"

"Sounds like fun!" He had begun to follow Tenten went there was a loud banging noise on the door. Tenten placed the sodas on the table getting Deidara his chance. He dumped them into their drinks and quickly stirred them up. Now to wait until

"Deidara!"

"Gai! What are you..." He had his hand grabbed by Gai.

"No time to explain! Go get your stuff! We're leaving!"

"But I wanna stay!"

"It's serious! Tobi's missing and that bastard is after you!"

"Who?"

"Kakashi!"

"Then go beat him up! I just saw him. Tobi just ran back and I'll meet up with him and hide somewhere."

"No, I can't leave you and Tobi in danger. I'll come with you."

Deidara nodded and went upstairs to get his stuff. Sakura and Jade, who were whispering, looked up at her. "Deidara, what's up? You going home already?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah. My little brother's gotten sick

* * *

. I gotta go. Maybe we can fun some other time." Deidara said his goodbyes and quickly left with Gai. Once they got to where ever, he'd wait until Gai slept to go retrieve the nine tails.

The two took the long way back home to get Tobi. Luckily Tobi had see Gai coming and went back home. Neither chastised him for leaving the room though Gai did sound relieved he was back. The two packed up their belongings and went over to Gai's place for a moment. He gathered something in a bag and they headed back to the training fields. On their way there, Gai slipped his hand into Deidara's. Being the sentamental guy he was, he mention this was the place where they first met.

"Yes, I remember," He smiled faintly.

On the inside he couldn't care less. He just wanted to get as far away as possible from that crazy man and whoever Asuma was. "I will treasure that moment forever."

"I'm tired!" whined Tobi. "When can we stop?"

"In just a moment." The three walked deeper into the forest until they found a nice little spot. Gai then took a tent out of the tent and began putting it up. Once it was set up, the three crawled inside. While lying down, Gai pressed Deidara against his chest and hissed her forehead. "Good-night, Deidara and Tobi."

"Night, Gai-chan," Deidara yawned.

"Good night, Gai." yawned Tobi.

&%^&***$%

When Kakashi and Asuma had arrived to the apartment, nobody was home. Where could he be then? They headed over to the ramen placed and he mentioned Naruto had been by as usual, but that was around 5pm. They decided to try Sakura's place to see if she had seen him or knew where Deidara. Kakashi knocked on the door of the Haruno household. Mebuki came to the door. "Hello, Kakashi. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Is Sakura home? It's urgent we see her."

"She went off to a sleepover," she told him. "She's at Tenten's home."

"Right," nodded Kakashi. "Thanks. Have a good night."

They hurried over as soon as they could over to her place. Kakashi only knew where her place was since he had spoken to Gai on the way to her home as the taller man was retrieving her for a mission. Once they got there, the house was already dark. Something didn't feel right about that. Unless all of them had completely tired themselves out, there was no way they feel asleep that fast. He knocked but nobody came to the door. He climbed the tree outside of Tenten's home and peered inside of the rooms until he found the girl's room. Tenten, Sakura, and a girl that looked a lot like Naruto were sprawled out on the floor knocked out. This wasn't good. He broke the window and slipped inside of the room. He attempted to shake them awake, but nobody would wake up.

"Kakashi, what's going on?" Asuma shouted up to him.

"They're out cold!" He shouted back down to him. He wouldn't doubt it if the bastard had knocked them out. Then again if he had, which he was sure of, why didn't he get Naruto? Was it because Naruto was using his sexy jutsu or was he coming back? Whatever was going on, he had to take his team and Tenten off to safety and tell the hokage. "Come help me move these three. We have to get to Tsunade."

* * *

Meanwhile Deidara was waiting for Gai to go to sleep. However every time he opened his eyes, Gai's eyes were open. He was probably thinking of that bastard. There was only one thing to do now and he had to hurry. He sat up. "I have to pee."

"I'll come up you!"

"NO! I-I-I mean no thanks!" He needed to hurry over before someone found them. Tenten's parents were out and there was no telling when they'd be back. He couldn't have them finding their daughter and her friends out cold. "I'll be right back. Wake up, Tobi. I'm going to use the bathroom and you're coming with me so you won't pee the bed again."

"Wasn't that you?"

"I don't wet the bed you little...! Just come on," He got out of the tent with Tobi behind him. The two made their way back to Tenten's home hoping nobody would find them sneaking over. Just Deidara was about to break in, Tobi pointed out someone had already done so with Tenten's bedroom window. To Deidara's horror, all three were gone. "DAMN IT! WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GO!?"

"Quiet, Deidara-senpai! You need to calm down!"

"Calm down?" He glared at him. "You want me to calm down?! To hell I will! That brat is gone! Where the hell did they go?" He gave Tobi a hard poke in the chest. "I thought those were sleeping pills!"

"T-they are! Maybe..."

"Maybe nothing!" Deidara jumped down. "Let's get back to Gai before he starts looking for us."


	9. Chapter 9

Once they got back, Gai was fast asleep. That was good. He slipped in beside the sleeping man and closed his eyes while Tobi got in beside the blonde man. Within seconds, he had an arm wrapped around him and was crushed to his "boyfriend's" chest. "Have any trouble? You were gone for a while, hon."

"Tobi had a little accident," Deidara lied as the older man pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Everything's okay though."

"As long as you're safe, my dear," He hugged her even tighter. "And Tobi as well."

"You better go to sleep, Gai-chan," said Deidara. "We have to go in the morning so that guy won't find us."

"No, you two go and sleep," he said with a wave of his hand. "I'll stay up and..."

"NO. GO. TO. BED. **I'll** stay up and if I hear or see anything, I'll let you know," he told him.

"Okay, but if you hear _**ANYTHING** _ I want you to tell me."

It didn't take long for the man to fall asleep again. Once he had, Deidara thought about ditching Gai and leaving the Leaf Village for a while. He had a feeling those sleeping pills hadn't worked and the girls left. If they had worked, the girls would be in front of the tv sleeping or sleeping in bed and in their sleeping bags as soon as they started feeling sleepy. Either they had gone somewhere or Kakashi may have gone over to retrieve them. If that was the case, they really needed to leave town then. He couldn't decide whether or not he wanted to get up and take Tobi with him. However if he got up, Gai might wake up as well. Suddenly he did end up hearing a noise. It sounded like a twig snapping. After quickly making a clay bomb, just in case, he hid it in his pocket and attempted to wake Gai by shaking him. However the man wouldn't get up. Frowning, Deidara slowly unzipped the bag only to got a pair of hands around his PJ collar and was dragged out into the face of angry Kakashi.

Before Deidara could react with more than just a wide eyed look and a gasp, he had a sock shoved into his open mouth. Asuma tried helping tie him up with Deidara attempting to fight back. They were eventually successful in tying up the man and quickly ran off with him. They didn't get too far when a flying object came from the side and flew into into Asuma. He let out a cry of pain and dropped Deidara's feet. Gai then came out of nowhere and struck Kakashi cross the face and into a tree. He then picked up his girlfriend and took off running. Deidara had never been so grateful in his life. But where was Gai going now and where the hell was Tobi?

Soon they stopped at Gai's home where he merely untied him and left without a word. Deidara took out the dirty sock and wasted no time looking out for Tobi. A few minutes later, Tobi showed up with their things. "There you are. Where...?"

"Easy, I followed you guys, DUH," said Tobi.

"I'll ignored that. Let's get the hell out of here while Gai handles his little friends." Tobi nodded and the two quickly left the man's house. Once they were out of the village, they got away around 10 miles before Deidara made a giant clay birth to escape on. Two jumped onto the bird and took off into the sky. Deidara was relieved to have gotten away so quickly and without any incident. The only downside was that the nine tails was still in the village. There was always next time.

"What now, Deidara?" asked Tobi.

"I say we go back to the hideout," sighed the younger man as he concentrated on flying the bird. "I'm getting as far as away as possible before we get caught."

"We may as," Tobi laid down on the bird. "There's always next time I suppose. Sooooo...you're keeping that on?"

"What?! Hell no! It was only for that moron, hm!" He rolled his eyes. Speaking of the outfit he was wearing, he really needed to take it off and remove the makeup. No problem. He'd find a quick place to rest for the night much further ahead. He couldn't have any of the other members seeing him dressed up like a girl for all the other members to make fun of him. After finding a small town to stop in, Deidara got rid of his bird while Tobi went to get them a room. Once inside of the hotel, Deidara quickly took a shower while washing off the makeup. Afterwards he happily put on his regular clothes: a white t-shirt and sweatpants.

"Deidara!" Tobi said cheerfully as he looked up from a cartoon he was watching while on his bed. "There you are! I was wondering where you went. Where'd your twin sister go? She was hot."

"Shut it, Tobi!" He rolled his eyes as he put his pajamas into his duffel bag. "If you too any pictures, burn them NOW!"

"Relax, I'm not that sneaky," he giggled.

"Yeah right," he flopped down on his bed.

"So, what about Gai?"

"What about him?"

"You don't think he'll try finding us?"

"Newsflash, he won't!" Deidara yawned. "We're too far away from the Leaf and it'll take a while before he even comes this way. By then, we'll be back to the base."

"So no nine tails this time?"

"Nope," Deidara sighed. He just hoped Itachi didn't get lucky and catch the tailed beast himself. He'd be happy if someone other than the Uchiha catching the teenager. Maybe there would be a next time. There was at least one positive to this mission. They didn't get caught. It was enough for him for now. He slipped underneath his covers and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, Deidara was awoken by the sound of knocking. Tobi must have locked himself out of the room. Then his ears picked up the sound of shower water. So who could that be? Frowning, Deidara cautiously snuck over to the door and peeked a look to the small hole in the door. To his surprise it was Gai and he looked badly injured. Deidara cursed and quickly backed away from the door.

"Who is it?" He asked in his feminine voice.

"Deidara, it's me."

"Gai-chan!" He said loud enough for Tobi to hear. He quickly put on his robe, took off his sweat pants, and let the man inside.

"Deidara, you're safe!" Without warning he scooped Deidara up, twirled her around, and kissed him on the lips for a long time. Deidara attempted to not punch Gai and instead squeezed his fists. Once he put him down, he flopped down into Tobi's bed.

"Gai-chan, let me clean you up," Deidara asked as he attempted to find his medical kit. What he really wanted to ask was how the heck did Gai get here that fast. It should have taken a few days or so. "What the heck happened to you? I bet it was that jerk!"

"Don't worry about me, honey," He smiled at her weakly.

"Don't worry? He nearly killed you!" Deidara shook his head. "Here, lemme remove your suit so I can clean your wounds properly. Um..." Deidara didn't want to move him, but he wasn't seeing any zippers in the front. Where the heck was it?

"Pull it off."

"Oh!" Deidara slowly tugged off the suit with the help of Gai. Once they got it off, he took a good look at them. He had some wounds that were starting to slowly heal and a few looked fresh. "What happened?"

"That bastard Kakashi...and a few other people."

"Who?"

"Other ninjas. It got ugly...I had to the inner gates to get away."

"I...I feel really bad." He pouted as he cleaned his wounds."It's my fault! I'm so sorry."

"No, it isn't. Kakashi's the problem, but don't worry. It's just us. Shit!"

"S-sorry!" Deidara had dabbed some alcohol on Gai's wound. "I'm so sorry, honey! Just a bit more. So uh what now?"

"Something I really need to do," he grunted as he sat up.

"Sit back, you're hurt!" he pressed a hand on his chest. Suddenly the older man grabbed his wrist and gave his girlfriend a determined look.

"No, just let me do this first, Deidara."

Deidara sent him a confused look as Gai struggled to get down on one knee. He wasn't really going to...? He felt like fainting when he pulled out a ring and held Deidara's hand.

"Deidara, will you marry me?"

"I...I...I..." He wasn't sure what to say. He couldn't make up his mind. "I...y-yes! I will marry you!"

"R-really?!" Deidara nervously nodded and the older man slipped the ring onto his finger.

"Uh...I...um...I'll be right back," he quickly ran off into the bathroom. Inside Tobi was clipping his toenails on the toilet.

"So how many kids are you having?" Tobi giggled.

"Shut it!" he hissed at the man. "I didn't know what what to say! What am I going to do?!"

"Get married, I guess," shrugged Tobi.

"NO WAY!" he whispered. "I-I can't get married to Gai! I'm not gay!"

"Too bad," laughed Tobi. "How many children are you gonna pop out?"

"I should...!" He started to strangle Tobi when he heard his name called. He went back into the room where Gai was throwing up while on all fours. Deidara sighed. Now he was stuck with the man. Great. He went in the bathroom, grabbed a couple of towels, wet one of them, and helped the man into the bed.

"Sorry," he groaned as Deidara tucked him in and placed the cool wet towel on his forehead.

"Don't worry about it." He said with a small smile. 'Damn it, do you not know what a trash can is, asshole?!'

"I think I might be poisoned."

"Who poisoned my Gai-chan?!" Deidara growled. "I'll kill them!"

"Probably an ANBU...they didn't take too kindly to me attacking my fellow jounin."

"You got them called on you?!" Deidara was starting to feel sick. Gai noticed his now fiance growing pale in the face.

"It's okay. I lost them...I think..."

"Are you sure?" If the ANBU caught up to them, Deidara knew he was probably going to be caught for sure. "Because you're not..."

"I'm sure. Oh shit!" Gai looked as if he was about to throw up. The blonde man quickly grabbed the trash can in the room and gave it to the older man. He sighed as he thought about what he would have to do about his situation. He was stuck with Gai, probably had the ANBU waiting outside, and he didn't have the nine tails.

'Why did I let Tobi talk me into dressing up like a girl? Maybe I can get rid of him...but...' He looked over towards the man. He resembled a poor little puppy that had been kicked far too many times. For some reason, he couldn't find the heart to hurt him. Even if he had, Tobi had told him about Gai's 8 gates and he had even seen the man in action once. If Deidara revealed his deeds, Gai would likely whoop his ass on the spot. He needed backup.

"Deidara, you still want me right?"

"Of course I do, honey. I love you so much." He kissed his forehead. "Now get some rest, Gai-chan. I'll...I'll see what I can do in the meantime."

Deidara hated to do it, but he'd have to call up someone he really didn't feel like calling up: Sasori.

* * *

"And that's why we need you to give him an antidote," Deidara said avoiding looking at the puppet master.

Sasori, who had been at one of the very few secret Akatsuki bases outside the main village they all lived in, had come over to the hotel. He had been told Tobi had gotten poisoned so he came over to check the newest member. However what he found was a Hidden Leaf ninja while Deidara and Tobi were unpoisoned and healthy.

"Because you don't have the nerve...like you normally do...are you sure you're not..."

"NO!"

"I think he is," said Tobi.

"Not helping!" Deidara nudged the older man in the side.

"So you're scaried of him then."

"N-no!"

"Liar, but I'll help. BUT only so I can watch this blow up in your face," he smirked. Deidara glared at him but kept quiet. Truthfully, he was a little scared of Gai's strength. He had seen it in action just once and it was enough to leave him with chills every time he thought of it. It was like it was just yesterday.

 **FLASHBACK**

 _Deidara giggled as Gai flirted with him at a restaurant they were at on a date. There were very few people and no ninjas. At least that's how it was for a while. Eventually some came inside though Deidara couldn't identify where they came from. He just hoped none knew who he was. A while into the date, Gai excused himself and left. He took a sip of the tea he ordered when he felt as if he was being stared at. He was afraid to look. He just concentrated on the food in front of him, a plate of sushi. Just as he was picking one up, a young man around the age of 21 with dark brown hair spiky hair and green eyes. He seemed to be very nervous and was even blushing. Oh great. This dork was over to flirt. Well his voice would soon scare him off._

 _"U-u-uh h-hey there," He stammered while sporting a tiny smile._

 _"Hey," said Deidara. The guy's smile didn't go anywhere._

 _"So um a-are you here by y-yourself?"_

 _"No." He said flatly. Hopefully this guy would go back to his little buddies. He was only doing this for the nine tails unless this guy could possibly get the ninja for him._

 _"O-oh...I'm sorry for bothering you then," He backed off and went on his way, visibly disappointed._

 _"Quite the man magnet, aren't we, Deidara?" laughed Tobi over the microphone._

 _"Shut it you," hissed Deidara underneath his breath._

 _Deidara sat there for at least 18 more minutes. Gai sure was in that bathroom for a while now. Just what was that man doing in there? Had there just been fewer people in the restaurant, he would have snuck in and checked in on him. Now it looked as if he was lying about not being alone._

 _'Come on, Gai!' he frowned as he tapped his fingers on the table. 'You better be taking a massive shit or..."  
_

 _Before he could finish his thought, a different guy just plopped down in Gai's seat and flashed her a confidant smile. This one appeared to be the brother of the guy who had come up to him before as he looked just like him except older and with blonde hair._

 _"Can I help you?" Deidara demanded, making sure to sound as annoyed as possible. Like before, his voice didn't scare off the man in front of him._

 _"Just wondering what such a pretty lady is sitting here all alone."_

 _"I'm not."_

 _"Then where's your company?"_

 _"In the bathroom. You'd better go before **he** gets back," Deidara frowned. He hoped the asshole got the hint and left. "He tends to get very jealous."_

 _"Hmph!" He smirked. "And I suppose he'll kick my ass if he catches me with his 'girlfriend' won't he? Come on, you know you don't have one. If you do, it's pretty obvious he's stood you up."_

 _"Don't you have someone else to bother?" Deidara was starting to get more irritated by the minute. This guy was about to get it and badly. "I told you to piss off."_

 _"I don't think so. I think I'll just stick around and see what this 'boyfriend' has been doing this whole time."_

 _"Then while you wait, I'll be going outside." Just as he stood up to leave, the man grabbed Deidara's wrist._

 _"Where do you think you're going?"_

 _"Outside, jerk!" Deidara snatched his arm away and quickly left. Once outside, he walked off to find a place to talk to Tobi when he heard footsteps behind him. Great, it was that dickhead. "What the heck do you want?"_

 _"Don't mind me, I'm just following a nice piece of ass."_

 _"Are you drunk?" Deidara narrowed his eyes at the man as he continued to approach the younger man. The man reached into his purse and allowed his hand to start working._

 _"Just a bit, but I'm good. I couldn't just let you go home on your own. How about I walk you home?"_

 _"Screw off, creep!" He frowned. Just one more step..._

 _The man ignored her and grabbed her arm. Just as Deidara was about to use his clay, Gai came out of nowhere and kicked the guy so hard he flew through a few tree. Geez! The blonde man then witnessed something he'd never seen. Gai has this red aura around him and this terrifying expression on his face. The moment he looked Deidara dead in his eyes, the younger male could feel the color draining from his face and he gulped._

 _"G-gai-c-c-chan?" He thought for a second he was next._

 _"Go back inside."_

 _Deidara merely nodded and quickly made his way back inside. He snuck a peek back and saw the man getting the stuffing beaten out of him. Once he got back, he fiddled with his napkin. He hoped Gai didn't think he was cheating. Well at least he didn't have to put on another dress. In 5 minutes, he came back._

 _"Sorry you had to see that," apologized the man._

 _"What happened back there?" Deidara was genuinely curious about this. They had been together for a while and the most Gai ever did was give people dirty looks for looking at his girlfriend._

 _"I just sort of snapped. I didn't see you inside and I saw you out there with him." he frowned. "Then I saw him grab you...I don't normally use any of the 8th gates for such things but you're just so perfect?"_

 _"Perfect?" How on earth was he perfect?_

 _"I've never been with a girl as beautiful as you for so long that I can't bare anything happening to you. I've never been so happy with someone before."_

 _"Oh Gai-chan!" Deidara beamed. "You're too sweet for your own good! Just don't do that again. You scared me."_

 _"I won't."_

 _"Good. Uh what happened to that guy?"_

 _"I made sure he was taken care of. Those bones should heal in a few days."_

 _Deidara let out a nervous laugh. "That's good...I-I think."_

 **END FLASHBACK**

A few hours later, Sasori had come up with an antidote and gave it to Deidara. As it turns out, it wouldn't kill him. It was just made to weaken him so he could get captured by the Leaf Village.

"Don't let him engage in an exercise so the antidote will kick in," said Sasori.

"Thanks."

"So what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Leader-sama's going to beat your ass for this." Sasori rolled his eyes. It should have been obvious what he meant. Surely Deidara thought of this at some point once he chose to save Gai, even if he wasn't in any danger. "He's not going to betray his village for you."

"He might," shrugged Deidara. "He fought his friend, some other ninjas, and even went against some ANBU. He probably could if I can convenience him."

"Ha! I'll tell you what, brat. If you can get Might Gai to not kick your ass, I'll admit your art is better than mine."

"You're on!"

"We'll see." With that Sasori left out of the room. Deidara spent the rest of the day watching TV while Tobi went off to do who knows what. While watching the television, he wondered how he was going to tell Gai about actually being in the Akatsuki. Would he flip out on him? Considering this is what Kakashi told him, Gai might realized how badly he fucked up and would probably kill Deidara for both being in the Akatsuki and tricking him. As in love Gai was with Deidara, maybe he'd spare him.

Soon Gai woke up and got into Deidara's bed with him. Had this been anybody else, he would have shoved him. However since he was going to try this plan of his, he needed to be as affectionate as possible.

"Hey there, sleepyhead." Deidara cooed at the older man as he ran his fingers through his jet black hair. He had to milk this relationship some more for all it was worth before telling the man anything. "About time you got up. Do you feel any better?"

"I'm mostly okay." He sighed. "I think it's wearing off. Whatever you did, it's working I think."

"Good."

"You look worried. What's wrong?"

"I am...just about you and your village. You're on the run now. You can't go back after what you did."

"You're right, but that's okay because I'm with you," He pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I just wish I wasn't leaving behind my team, especially Lee. He was like a son to me. I just hope he understands one day."

"Well do you have a plan on where to go?"

Gai thought for a second and then scowled. "I don't. I'm pretty much a goner everywhere."

"How about Amegakure?" Deidara piped up. "It's really rainy there, but I have family there. It's usually pretty hard to get in, but I know some people."

"I don't think I have much of a choice. At least I get to see where my beautiful lotus flower came from."

"Great so to Amegakure!" This was a lot easier than he thought. Now to deal with Pain.

* * *

Man this was long. I hope you all like it.


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